i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
