new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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