5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
