do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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