Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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