My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
