Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
