There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Randomize
