It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
