Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
