Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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