it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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