Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
