i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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