I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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