I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
