haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
