You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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