The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
