In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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