what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
