YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
