Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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