My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
