That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
