Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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