My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
