i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
