you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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