WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
