you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
