Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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