I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
