Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
