I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
