trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
