The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
