fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
bring money and cleavage
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
