so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
