Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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