i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
