It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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