The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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