Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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