I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
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she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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