she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.