i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms