so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
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I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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