i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize