I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
