Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
