she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
