do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
