I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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