I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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