my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
