U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize