Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
