That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I skipped work to stalk him.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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