I wish I could punch you in the face.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
