Nicole vs. Life
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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