when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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