im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
