I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
