Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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