Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
