I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
