I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
