I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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