pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
